Many people today are succumbing to the idea that they are a victim in life. It is especially tempting when life seems unfair and overwhelming to us. This generation is known for its focus on being abused by someone or something. Many fads express the abused, disheveled look. Even the attempt to “label” people as a narcissist, or a gas lighter, is part of an attempt to show why this person is hurtful to me, and why I need boundaries to stop them from making me feel bad. Our society has come to believe that even in marriage, our spouse should always make us feel good. When they don’t make us feel good, then we are being abused. We’ve come to embrace too much of an entitled spirit.

                  This victim spirit was inspired in the garden by Satan. His words to Eve carried the thought that God was holding good back from them. He was knowingly depriving them of something very good. He was against them. They deserved the fruit from that one forbidden tree. With this victim spirit came blame shifting. “It’s not my fault,” Eve said, in essence. Adam blamed his disobedience on Eve.

                  Adam and Eve should have said, “God is so good to us. He gave us ALL the trees and only withheld one. We are undeserving and blessed. We are not deprived by God. He is looking out for our good.” This is the spirit of the growth mentality that we will explore more.

                  Victims see their problems or abuse as huge and looming over them. A victim who is taught in Christ, may see God with him under this huge problem. It’s him and God tackling this problem. For many, they will communicate in subtle ways that, “If you’d understand my problem, you will understand me.”

                  Persons with a growth mentality will see God as Sovereign and so much higher than any problem they have. It is them and their problem under this big God. They know He is fully aware of what they are facing and has tempered everything that has come to tempt them. These people say, “If you know my God, then you’ll understand me.”

                  For the victim mentality person, life happens TO them. For the growth mentality person, life happens FOR them to go through with God. Victims will tend to become friends with other victims. They will find fellowship around their problems and growth minded people will find like-minded friends who have this same faith in God. They will fellowship around worshiping the great God of Heaven who has all of life in His view and control.

                  To understand this issue better we will attempt to look at a victim mentality in its worst state. Most of us have some leanings toward this problem. But seeing it in its advanced stages may open our eyes to our need to stop our tendencies before they grow to this extent. Then we will explore the attitudes and beliefs of those who have faith in God and allow Him to use life to help them grow spiritually.

                  Victims see life as unfair and dominating their life. They feel disadvantaged by others. They fuss about life being unfair and dream about a fair life which basically is a life that serves them and in the end is unfair to others. This problem they have may be caused by a person, a church group, an employer, or a health situation. Perhaps it’s childhood trauma. This thing is bigger than them and hinders them from enjoying life.

                  Victims see every personal problem as a major catastrophe. They feel that no one else has ever had to face anything this bad. Every little hurt is nursed and rehearsed until, in their minds, it’s a huge injustice. It’s all they can talk about at church and family gatherings.

                  Victims see life mostly from a negative viewpoint. They are seldom grateful for the blessings they do have. They are not happy in this state. It’s hard to love these people and keep a relationship with them.

                  Victims blame their problems, needs, and sins on circumstances, events, and others. They can’t help it, they think. It’s not their fault. They may be seeking some relief by excusing themselves, but it brings no relief and joy. They picture themselves as having no control in life. They sometimes will refuse to take up responsibility when asked, because they live in a world of believing they are a victim and cannot contribute to life. In this state of mind, life happens TO them. They must constantly be on guard to protect themselves. They set boundaries to try to control the things they face and the people they must relate to.

                  Victims ultimately create an island for themselves and their problems. They often feel   others cannot understand them unless they’ve gone through what they have. Victims may even express that if we try to understand and minister to them, we are committing an injustice to them because we don’t know what they are facing. Victims will find friends with other victims, oftentimes. But sometimes these relationships fragment. It seems that the self-centered life of the victim spirit cannot even hold good friendships with other victims.

                  Victims come to believe anything they do is justified. They can burn down whole city blocks of other people’s property to draw attention to injustices they feel are committed toward them. They may subtly express the idea, “Because of my situation, anything I say is out of love even if it doesn’t seem so. But if you in any way disagree with me, you are spiteful, uncaring, calloused, and unloving.”

                  Victims are beyond help unless they choose to look at life differently. One must come to realize the devastation of their self-centered victim spirit. They must stop loving the victim lifestyle. They must realize that the victim spirit is a control tactic, an adult temper tantrum.

                  But there is a much better way to see life! There is a path that brings joy and meaning even in our deepest hurts. Let me describe the path of the growth mentality. This is a walk of faith in God. A life that’s rooted in trusting God no matter what. Think of Joseph, Daniel, and Apostle Paul.

                  The growth mentality starts with acknowledging God as Creator and Sovereign of the universe. Since God has created me, He has a plan and purpose for me in life. I have wonderful opportunities in life by walking with God. Since God sees the sparrow fall, and He knows the number of hairs on my head, then I am not forgotten by my God. He has promised, “Ye are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7.

                  The growth mentality involves owning our own sin. Read the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. Notice the younger son’s deliverance when he owned his sin and did not blame others for where he was. Luke 15:18 he said, “I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee.” Perhaps he could have cited injustices growing up, but he didn’t. But the elder brother expressed victim attitudes. He stood far off in verse 26. He said’ “I served you all these years” (deserving); “I have never transgressed you” (perfect); “You never gave me a kid” (deprived).

                  The growth mentality sees the events of life as allowed by God to mold our life and teach us truth. Life happens FOR them to go through with God. Every day is a new day to conquer. There are new heights to gain, new lessons to learn, and new areas to deny self and put others first. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Our God is too big to be surprised or overwhelmed by our greatest need!

                  The growth mentality sees our personal problems as normal to humanity. 1Cor 10:13 states clearly that, “There hath no temptation [experience, adversity] taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” They see that others have had worse things happen to them, and they’re thankful for their lot in life. They seek to be faithful like others who suffered these things. They love to fellowship with others who through faith in God were victorious through hard times.

                  The growth mentality also fosters thankfulness. These people respond to God’s call 1Thess 5:18, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” They can see the blessings that God has given them, even in adversity. They are thankful for what people have done for them. They feel undeserving of the care and blessings of God and His people. 

                  People with this growth mentality know they must obey God regardless how they feel. They know that hard times do not excuse bad attitudes and behavior. 1John 5:3 says, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” They come to see that self-denial and obedience are good for them spiritually. They take responsibility for their actions and speech daily. They cast their cares upon the Lord. 1Peter 5:7

                  The growth mentality sees people as valuable and friendships as precious. People are generally not our biggest problem in life; our self-centeredness is. When we trust God with our lives, we will not fall for conspiracy theories that see people as out to get us. We will see the best in others, even when they falter. Prov 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” We should value the help and perspectives of God’s people. They should be our closest friends.

                  Last of all, but not the least, there is a great future for those who will trust God and live in this growth mentality. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” This is the life of freedom. This is where real joy and satisfaction is found. This is the life worth living! 

-Fredericksburg, PA